Greetings, computer/smartphone enthusiasts!

Just a quick note to let you know that tickets are now available for the taping of my new one hour stand up special, tentatively titled “DOUBLE SHIFT AT THE ASBESTOS FACTORY”. It all goes down on Thursday, April 4th at The beautiful Wilbur Theater in Boston, MA! Two shows!

So if you live in the greater Boston area, PLEASE COME. Or if you are friends with any Massholes, please pass this email along! It’s imperative that I get as many “fans” there as possible, so I’m not performing to a theater full of boxcar riders and escaped mental patients.*

Here’s where to acquire tickets:

http://www.theblacklistnyc.com/christian

This is going to be a wicked big night for me. I truly hope you can be there.

Oh and since I have you, I should remind you about Audio Spackle, my brand new music banter podcast. Three episodes are currently available for your rock snob enjoyment, with a brand new episode going up every week! So in the words of John Cougar Mellancamp, CHECK IT OUT:

At Cave Comedy Radio: http://www.cavecomedyradio.com/audiospackle

Or, straight from iTunes (leave me a review!): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/audio-spackle/id600173979

That is all. See you in Boston, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

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Time to blow the three inches of dust off of this blog!

Okay, so here’s what I do when I’m not getting anything done.

I found an old notebook in which I’d devoted a chunk to obsessive music list-making. I compiled exhaustive Top Fifties for a few of my favorite artists: The Beatles, David Bowie, Stevie Wonder and Elvis Costello.

I mentioned the EC list on Twitter a couple of hours and a few people expressed interest in seeing it. And let’s be perfectly honest—part of me was hoping that would happen. Part of this is standard look-at-all-the-cool-music-I-listen-to egotism. But I also think I want to share these lists simply to justify all the time I spent working on them.

Anyway, here’s the Elvis Costello list. If you have any interest in seeing the other lists, let a brutha know.

A couple of caveats:

• This is copied directly as I scribbled it a few years ago. Since then, EC put out “National Ransom”, a so-so album with one truly great song, “I Hope”. If I was writing the list now, I’d probably put it somewhere in the high 20’s/Low 30’s. But I’m nervous to start pulling at threads—this is a huge mis-allocation of time and energy as is.

• Looking over the list, I’m surprised how many of my favorites are post-Spike, when the world kinda stopped giving a shit about Elvis Costello. Yes, there’s even one song from The Juliet Letters. Negative 50 cool points for me!

• I don’t really claim these to be his 50 “best” songs—they’re just the ones I dig the most. So yeah, certain “classics” are missing. I like “I Want You” just fine—it would probably have been in the low 50’s. The fact that one can even HAVE a 53rd favorite Elvis Costello song is a clear sign of his awesomeitude.

• If any of you are eccentric billionaires and would like to pay me to quit comedy and write these lists this full time, I’m willing to take a meeting.

Okay, enough dawdling. Here’s the stupid list:

50. The Next Time Around
49. God Give Me Strength
48. The Only Flame in Town
47. Town Cryer
46. Every Day I Write the Book
45. Poor Napolean
44. Tokyo Storm Warning
43. I’ll Wear it Proudly
42. The Sad Burlesque
41. Blame it on Cain
40. When I Was Cruel
39. Jack of All Parades
38. God’s Comic
37. Man Out of Time
36. Sulky Girl
35. Blue Chair
34. Riot Act
33. Why Can’t a Man Stand Alone?
32. No Action
31. Sleep of the Just
30. You Bowed Down
29. The Other End of the Telescope
28. Oliver’s Army
27. Still Too Soon to Know
26. Kid About It
25. Kinder Murder
24. So Like Candy
23. Deep Dark Truthful Mirror
22. The Other Side of Summer
21. I Hope You’re Happy Now
20. Baby Plays Around
19. Pony Street
18. Harpies Bazaar
17. Indoor Fireworks
16. Allison
15. You Tripped at Every Step
14. Brilliant Mistake
13. Veronica
12. New Lace Sleeves
11. (The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes
10. Shipbuilding
9. Accidents Will Happen
8. Pidgin English
7. Couldn’t Call it Unexpected No. 4
6. Crimes of Paris
5. Beyond Belief
4. All Grown Up
3. Satellite
2. Radio Radio
1. Human Hands

I don’t have comments enabled on this blog, but if you have any thoughts/protestations, have at me on Twitter. My day-to-day feed is @ChristFinnegan. And if you’re the kind of person who reads a post titled “My 50 Favorite Elvis Costello Songs”, you really need to be following @AudioSpackle, which is where I post nothing but semi-obscure music jokes.

Thanks for giving a poop.

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In honor of this silliest of days, here’s something I wrote for Penthouse Magazine a few years back. And no, there are no beaver shots to be found.

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My wife Kambri Crews has written an amazing book called Burn Down the Ground about her nutty childhood in the woods of Texas, her deaf family and relationship with her dad who is in jail for attempted murder. (As a point of reference, check out the track “The Murder Tree” from Au Contraire!).

Don’t believe me? Well the reviews are in and they’re raves!

“Poignant and unsettling.” —Kirkus Reviews

“Crews’ story has heartbreaking depth and complexity… this is a rich read.” —Library Journal

“Harrowing . . . A remarkable odyssey of scorched earth, collateral damage, and survival.” —Publishers Weekly

“A compelling testament to the strength of the human spirit.”—Booklist

You should order it. Seriously, do it now, so you can feel superior to everyone who will be jumping on the bandwagon after its February 28, 2012 release date.

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This coming Monday 11/14 at 11pm, I will be appearing on “Conan”. Yes, THAT Conan! I will be performing a brief assortment of stand up comedies at the end of the show, as is the “late night TV” custom. Will I look snazzy? YES! Will I be performing new, unreleased material? YES! Will I be funny? WE SHALL SEE! In all seriousness, I’ve been an ardent Conan O’Brien fan from the very beginning, so this is kind of a special night for me. I’d be honored if you would tune in. Check out http://teamcoco.com for more info.

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People will someday look back on this video as the moment their Benevolent, All-Knowing Overlord first made his political intentions known to the world. CNN: Christian Finnegan: Example of ‘U.S. whiteness’

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Good day, visitors to ChristianFinnegan.com. It’s been far too long, I know!

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to inform/remind you that I am in the cast of the new TBS sitcom “ARE WE THERE YET?”, debuting on TBS at 10pm EST. Check it out, yo: http://www.tbs.com/shows/arewethereyet/

It would be swell if you’d tune in and watch. It’s a fine show that’s fun for the whole family (no, seriously) and I feel honored to be associated with such talented, hardworking people.

Full disclosure: I’m only in one scene in the first episode or two, but I’m all over later episodes. DID SOMEONE SAY DVR SEASON PASS??

No really, did someone just say that? I think I’m hearing voices.

Anyway, tune into ARE WE THERE YET?, Wednesday nights at 10PM EST/ 9:00 PM CST on TBS!

Sincerely,

Christian Finnegan
America’s White Guy

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Where will I be next week? DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS! See what I did there? I took the name of a popular regional tune and worked into a promotional email. Yeah, I’m that good.

Anyhoo, let’s get to the point: Next week I’ll be doing a three-city swing through your glorious state–I figure this may be my last chance to perform in Texas before Rick Perry forces you guys to secede. So if you live in Austin, Houston or Dallas, please come on out to a show. These shows will be ONE NIGHT ONLY! So put down your BBQ and/or margarita and get yourself a ticket (or nine)!

The relevant dates/details:

Tuesday 06/02/09 – Austin, TX
Alamo Drafthouse Cinema
Time: 8:00pm
Admission: $15.00.
Box office: 512.219.5408.

http://www.drafthouse.com/lakecreek/

Wednesday 06/03/09 – Houston, TX
The Houston Improv
8:00pm.
Admission: $15.00.
Box office: 713.333.8800.

http://www.symfonee.com/Improv/houston/home/index.aspxn

Thursday 06/04/09 – Dallas, TX
Hyena’s Comedy Club
Time: 10:30pm.
Admission: $10/$15
Box office: 214.823.5233.

http://www.hyenascomedynightclub.com/Dallas/hyenas-dallas.html

These shows are all a part of my “Au Contraire!” tour, in support of the life-altering DVD of the same name. It can be found and ogled over here: http://www.christianfinnegan.com/store

And if you would like to see a preview or just peruse other Finnegan-related nonsense, go to christianfinnegan.com!

That’s all for now, Texas. Next week, we get silly!

Regards,
Christian Finnegan

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So you’re still on the fence about whether to pick up “Au Contraire!”. Well, from now until Tuesday you can download an audio track from the CD for free. That’s right, FREE. As in, NO MONEY WHATSOEVER!

But this free download is only available until Tuesday, so quick like a bunny, go here and feast your ears on “High Five Yourself”.

And while you’re there, why not submit a positive review of said free download? It’ll make you feel super cool.

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People,

The time of reckoning is nigh at hand! After months and months of constant chatter and horsepoop from me about my “new DVD”, I’m happy to say that “Au Contraire” finally hits stores today May 12, 2009. Go see for yourself! Or if you’re some sort of shut-in who stores your urine in jars, you can order it online right here!

So now’s your chance, people. Please don’t make me go back to hooking.

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