Tower of Hubris

Thursday, January 25, 2007

 

MORE TOUR DATES

Hello, Tower of Hubrites.

As you know, I just started up a fancy-schmancy college tour sponsored by Comedy Central. Rather than me blathering on about it (again), check out this little clip:



Kind of cool, huh? Anyway, the tour brings us to NYU tonight (1/25) and Northwestern on Saturday (1/27). If you live in NYC or Chicago, come on out to the show. I promise nothing less than excellence! Both shows are open to the public--for ticket info, check out the main tour page at comedycentral.com.

Also, to reiterate: this Friday night Comedy Central will be airing a number of short promotional spots for the tour from 8pm to 11pm, as part of their Friday Night Stand Up lineup. I dare say they're pretty funny. Here's one of them:



That's all for now. Check back here for more details.

Thank you for your continued support.

posted by Finny Link

Monday, January 22, 2007

 

MY BIG VIACOM-APPROVED TOUR BEGINS!!

Friends, Well-Wishers and "Other":

Comedy Central, in its infinite wisdom (well, except for "That's My Bush!"), has decided to sponsor a college tour featuring yours truly. In fact, in honor of my debut cd (available in stores and online, btw) they're calling it:

COMEDY CENTRAL ON CAMPUS: CHRISTIAN FINNEGAN'S "TWO FOR FLINCHING" TOUR

Pretty sweet, no? Over the next three or so months I will be heading to 20-30 fully accredited institutions of higher learning, articulate dick jokes and ill-informed social commentary at the ready. There's so much I want to mention about the tour, but I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts. So I'm going to turn these random items of interest into thoguhtful answers to questions I'm going to pretend you've just asked me. Such as:


WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS UP TODAY?

Well I'm not sure I like your tone, but I'm bringing it up because the VERY FIRST SHOW of the tour takes place tonight at UMass Lowell. Also, there are huge shows later this week at NYU on Thursday 1/25 and Northwestern on Saturday, 1/27. Dates are still being added, so make sure to check back with the main tour page every once in a while..

HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS SO-CALLED TOUR?

Thanks for asking. Starting this week, Comedy Central will be airing a couple of kick-arse commercials. Want to see one? Your wish is my command.

IS THAT IT?

Not even close. This Friday 1/26 from 7pm to 11pm, Comedy Central will also be aring a bunch of short interstitial clips we shot, as part of their "Friday Night Stand-Up" lineup, from 8pm to 11pm. As a teaser, here's one of the spots we shot: a cautionary tale about the dreaded Dorm Wanderer. I'll be including more of these clips on the site over the next couple of months, but try and tune in Friday so you can see them all in their true TV glory.

WILL THERE BE OTHER COMEDIANS ON THE BILL?

I'm not good enough for you? Well then, you're in luck. Among the comics scheduled to appear at one point or another: Zach Galifanakis, Charlie Murphy, Greg Giraldo, Tracey Morgan, Nick Swardson, Nick Thune, Jesse Joyce, Nick Kroll, Joe DeRosa, Andres DuBouchet, Eric O'Shea and more!

CAN REGULAR FOLKS LIKE ME ATTEND THIS SUREFIRE COMEDY EXTRAVAGANZA?

Um, I can't tell whether or not you're being sarcastic so I'll take your question at face value. While some tour dates do appear to be "students only", others are indeed open to the general public. For specific ticket info, head back over to the main tour page.

ANYTHING UNUSUAL ABOUT THESE SHOWS? YOU KNOW, 'QUIRKY'?

Funny you mention it. Every show on the Two For Flinching tour will culminate in two students locking horns in fierce intellectual combat, live on stage. At stake? Lots of fun prizes and...THE COMEDY CENTRAL FOURTEEN DOLLAR SCHOLARSHIP! That's right, I will be awarding fourteen American dollars to one lucky student at each school, helping make his or her career dreams become a reality. No, don't thank me--charity is its own reward. Think you have the brains, charm and poise to score this once-in-a-lifetime prize? Come out to a show and make sure you fill out an entry card.

WILL THERE BE WACKY BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE? BECAUSE I LOVE WACKY BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE!

I'm quite sure you do. Yes, we will be shooting some footage whilst out on "the road", but I cannot promise it will be wacky. I am aiming for "amusing" and "worth blowing off five minutes of porn for", though. More to come on this.

WILL YOU BE BLOGGING ON THE ROAD?

Dammit, haven't I told you a million times I can't stand it when you use the word "blog" as a verb? Please, try and avoid that. But I will writing wrap-ups of each and every tour date and, yes, I will be posting said wrap-ups on this blog under the heading, "THE TWO FOR FLINCHING TOUR DIARIES". This sojourn is not exactly what you might think of as a "tour", in that we won't be living on a bus for long stretches of time, a la Motley Crue. The Two For Flinching dates are spread out over a few months, so I'll be out on the road for a few days, back home for a while, out again for a couple of days, etc. So on the days I'm "touring", I'll be posting the tour diaries--the show wraps-ups will appear a day or two after each gig and will no doubt include lots of dispraging remarks about whatever part of the country I happen to be in at that moment. Otherwise, it will just be the random e-nonsense you've come to tolerate from me.


I suppose that's enough for now. If you come back to this site on a regular basis (and if you don't, you really should), you'll be hearing lots more about this. Thanks for your continued support. You are, each and every one of you, my hero.

posted by Finny Link

Thursday, January 11, 2007

 

RANDOM MUSING THURSDAY:
HALF-ASSED CHALLENGE OF THE DAY!


Your challenge: At some point today, try slipping the word 'merriment' in conversation without being looked at like a weirdo. The only rule is, you must use the word in the proper context, and with complete sincerity--no air quotes or ironic eyebrow raising.

This has been your Half-Assed Challenge of the Day.

posted by Finny Link

Saturday, January 06, 2007

 

SELF-ANALYSIS MONDAY:
SELF-PIMPING AIN'T EASY


Okay, here's the deal: Comedy Central is once again running it's "Stand-Up Showdown". This is where CC pits comedians against eachother to see who...well, who's fans have the most amount of free time to sit in front of the computer and click "VOTE FOR ME". If you were reading this site last year, you'll remember I flogged this competition rather tirelessly. I'm not going to do that this year, mostly because I found the whole "scrounging for votes" thing a tad undignified. Oh yeah, and I'm incredibly lazy. But I will probably mention it a couple of times over the next few weeks, starting right now.

So if you're so inclined, please do put in a vote for me by clicking below. Remember, every time you vote for me, a Malaysian sweatshop worker gets a pack of SnackWell cookies. You wouldn't want to deprive a young boy of his SnackWell cookies, would you?


posted by Finny Link

Thursday, January 04, 2007

 

RANDOM MUSING THURSDAY:
HOW TO BE A GOOD TOURIST IN NYC


So the holiday tourist season is officially over and I feel like I have to take a moment to apologize to all of the Midwestern housewives, Arizona fratboys and acidwash-clad Europeans who were jostled, bumped and otherwise abused by us 'rude New Yorkers' over the past month or so. It is true--we can be a tad abrupt in this city. But I ask you to consider this: many of us are very busy and you guys do tend to get in the way a bit.

You have to understand, New York was planned very poorly. For some reason, the two most scenic neighborhoods in Manhattan (Times Square and Rockefeller Plaza) happen to be littered with high-rise office buildings. So the people who 'rudely' bump into your church group as you try to decide between Planet Hollywood and the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. are not just scurrying along to piss you off--they're trying to get to work. Imagine if you went to work one day, only to find they'd opened a petting zoo in your office. Would you keep an even temper if everytime you went to the fax amchine, there was some fat little kid in the way hand-feeding a llama? Sure it might be cute at first, but by Day Nine you'd be ready to take a life.

This is not a hopeless situation. We can all share this beautiful city--natives, transplants (like me) and visitors alike. I would only ask you to obey the laws of traffic. Remember, New York is a pedestrian city. Think of the subways as interstates and avenues (like Broadway) and cross-streets (like 42nd st.) as highways. If you really want to stop and marvel at the sights of Times Square ("Ooo, a really big Toys R Us!!"), pull over. Imagine if, as you were on your morning commute, some asshole stopped his car dead in the middle of the highway so he could admire an overpass ("Hey, lookie here--Rob loves Gina!"). You'd be a bit peeved, would you not? Perhaps you might even seem a little bit...rude?

Look, I'm not saying New Yorkers can't be dicks--we/they are huge assholes in a number of ways. But the next time someone "accidently" shoulder checks you outside of the Today Show or scowls as you jockey to have your picture taken with the Naked Cowboy (New Yorkers loathe that fuckwad, by the way), don't assume we're just determined to kill your buzz. There's a good chance we're just trying to get through the day without strangling a Missouri housewife with her fannypack strap.

I guess this is the kid of shit that makes the rest of the country hate all of us 'coastal elites', eh?

posted by Finny Link

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

 

WEDNESDAY IS LIST DAY
NEW YEARS' RESOLUTIONS OF THE RANDOM AND NOTEWORTHY


To welcome in 2007, let's take a look at the New Year's resolutions of some of my personal friends, such as:


SOON-TO-BE-TRADED YANKEES PITCHER RANDY JOHNSON

1) Steal money from homeless person
2) Punch baby in face
3) Re-grow kick ass mullet



RECORDING SENSATION AND PEE FETISH ICON FERGIE

1) Remember to always tinkle before heading to the stage
2) Find ways to plaster face with even more makeup
3) Enjoy seven remaining minutes



INTERNATIONAL MEGASTAR JACKEE

1) Inject even more sass into everyday interactons
2) Upload "227" clips onto YouTube
3) Contact Rodney about "Ladybugs" sequel



FORMER GENERAL ELECTRIC CEO JACK WLECH

1) Apply "Welch's Rules" to illegal cockfighting industry
2) Spend more time with Jermaine Jackson
3) Schedule ten minutes a day to tuck penis between legs and stand in front of mirror



IRAQI CLERIC MOQTADA AL SADR

1) Stop making excuses and get sock puppet business off ground
2) Get abs totally ripped in time for Ramadan
3) Conquer "GTA: San Andreas" side missions without using cheat codes



MOVIE STAR SISTERS DAKOTA AND ELLE FANNING

1) Poison neighbor's dog, blame it on Asian kid down street
2) Arrange joint interview on Access Hollywood, reveal Holocaust as hoax
3) Enact "Operation Viper"

posted by Finny Link